The unstoppable voice!(Improvised!)

Soon after the first TV interview in her life, she worried whether it would get her an accidental prominence or full of disgrace in the area of her neighborhood and world over. She felt shy and shame, Fame and fad at the way the media crew cried and died for her attention. The reason for this strange feeling was her little precious son who had metamorphosed to an adult deadly killer had shot and killed school students who were deeply praying with their eyes closed. All they were doing was trying to see if their world would change if for once and only once THE god just said “Yea!”

Not everyone praying had the same expectation, few lamented the system, the parents, the priests and the peers who suggested this system of silence for a few minutes and dissonance around all over, always once eyes were open and the people, up.

Quite a few were really requesting the GOD to bestow peace upon them, their family, their friends and their enemies.  Each of them assumed whatever they were told- by their teachers, parents and of course the priests of their religion– as for who is God, but prayed as if he was the only one and the one they knew only. They were talking to him as if he was the only savior and he shall protect them from all the danger and evil in the world and would take them to be with him/her in the heaven proposed. Anyways, they didn’t expect it to happen so soon. They asked him about all they wanted, bodily, personal and altruistic. Some were praying for world peace and some simply expecting their Gods to see to that the concerned subject teacher, somehow should not ask about their homework, that they have not done. They also remembered how they prayed and got whatever frivolous things they expected turned out to be the way they expected, So they assumed that he will help about such a small issue today also. They didn’t bother how busy he was and how it would be possible by him to take care of both such frivolous issues like theirs and also the most serious issues like tsunami, Violence ,terrorism meteoroid attacks from around the solar system and natural calamities in other parts of the world.

Amidst of the screams she said sorry one hundredth time just to see if someone can get peace. Parents of the kids expected their loved ones would wake up-just as a surprise gift from the respective Gods they were pleading. Some godmagic from where the victims took their last breath,god breath and new breath, but nothing moved, Guns were stonger! Parents couldn’t imagine that this would happen and the gods they prayed for would let this happen. They all assumed it was a wrong information that their kids have died. Yes, for other’s kids- somewhere in the newspaper, in some other town far far away, it may be so, but their, no, never! They cried loud, but none who died did. She could see the faces of the parents, relatives, brothers, and sisters, who were crying, expecting some kind of miracle to happen but all of those happened only in the so called holy books they read about the sons and messengers of gods or the gods themselves. Somehow she couldn’t cry because she didn’t grow up with the culture of crying like some Indians. They wait for a chance, just by seeing in a movie, somebody else crying,. Some Indians beat their hands on their heads and chest and cry as if it is like something that’s going to make things change but alas only the neighbor’s ears go deaf, few more join the chorus and there is a mass melancholy. If they don’t cry sometimes they repent for not crying for quite a long time after the event-’ what a chance lost!’. None of best requests could wake up any body anybody dead. Killer looked normal as if his toy had been made for the grave purpose by the same GOD. He imagined that it could have sent a few more to heaven or hell as he presumed they deserve to be! But not here, in his city, along with him until he died. He felt as if he was God for those last few minutes, Until he found out there is a superpower called Police who- was God of Gods for next few minutes,- could handcuff him. This GOD of killing was shut down, made to kneel and cursed by all. A tiny weapon and the holder is the God- for a minute- who wrote the destiny of those who dead!. For victim’s family it was memories and cries and cries and memories.

For one last time, just like the killed ones, she too asked god to help, but for those alive. This time it was to bestow peace on those who lost their kith and kin. It was like reminding them that they will have to eat, live and sleep as normal as they were few hours earlier to the shooting, but the difference is that the loved ones will not respond. They can continue speaking to them as they did with their respective, beloved Gods and assume answers too, like some priests do. But the worst thing about these priests is that they explain what they assume as if god themselves spoke. Just like dead ones woke up and spoke. They, the priests also try to see how to benefit personally having attained perfection in such a modern magic. All the while since evolution, GOD never spoke in public to a crowd of two or more at the same time. Just imagine, if he did it once, long long ago, to only one person at a time, why not again and again. If he spoke to one or two, why not to more, if not to all? Yeah, why not to all? Maybe, he had better spoke to the killer and stopped him, or did he? What did he say to the victims, or didn’t he? All the while earlier they were praying him!

 She said herself to stop talking without opening her mouth or making any sound. Somehow, somewhere deep inside her, there was a beginning of confrontation. Which, she -of course- didn’t like, she assumed it was very easy to shut it down, but then, there was a different story!

As she walked away from the media she addressed, the noise outside reduced but this confronting mental voice in her head got louder and louder, it started to boo her and it became very loud. It started asking her a lot of questions, in between booing and laughing as if she felt like a piece of dirt inside the confession room. It was not silent but uptight; it was not just listening but asking-too much. She looked around if someone else would hear what’s going on in her head. She was afraid as if someone else was very close to her and spoke like that. As she drove the same road to her same home, she wasn’t spared. The Vociferous voice within went right to the moment that led to the birth a precious child, but today he was the killer.

“Had you said no to that guy who you wanted to spend time with, just to impress your friends that you too can have a good looking guy as a boyfriend?”

“How can you expect me to behave in a society that expects everything to be perfect? How can you see the ugly mind of a good looking guy, badly in need of a new conquer? Oh, he was good before the baby was born and enjoyed the company of the just born child too! But only till you find out his good looks was bedded with others too! He looked so pleasant in the departure. They have all made it an art to be so”.

They both enjoyed the company of the precious little new arrival, all the while he cried, farted and shitted too! They could see how some fun games they played could make a God out of themselves and produce such a lovely baby. Sometimes they woke up the whole night and at the end felt slightly embarrassed at the kind of attention the child desires. Felt good when they understood what he couldn’t say. There was a new affable meaning for his frown, fidget and flash. But once his dad disappeared, he had to be left in child care and then started a gap and it became so wide that she hadn’t spoken to him for past twenty years. The precious little child had metamorphosized into bloody killer.

The Voice giggled sarcastically,

“Had you just wore a diaphragm that day or took a pill. Or if there were not a No abortion rule or at least the DNA Test confirmed one of the other two you suspected, may be then these kids would be spared or ….”

She couldn’t hold it any longer and started to counter. “Yeah if only it were so simple and I knew the guy through his heart and head, If only his sperm was a little inactive that night, just like his all time mood and the DNA report said it was the richest, handsomest and the nicest man alive, Come on, give me a break, I am fed up you see, I, I am not the only person responsible! Look at the administrators, The President and the Rules they make in the society, they are responsible, not me!”

The Booing continued and so was the mordant giggle, “Had you not married once was fun, once for frills and once for future asylum.”

“Oh my Goodness“ she exclaimed as she switched on the TV back home and could see herself in most of the channels , she couldn’t stop in the midst of all the chaos to observe that the lipstick could have been a better one.

One minute of relief and it started again, the questioning from within,

“Yeah had your Government made the law stringent, but when more than 70% of you believe that your life is most precious and Gun is the new GOD and it can save you forever.”

She said,” No, the point is, with the Gun and the one with it is drunk, you need not have to think of what may happen to you at least immediately or before you take the ghostly action, so the only ill alternative to solve the impenetrable and indefinable problem is to shoot up for a while and then assume to have become a messiah ,because they, like you, doesn’t have another new angle of thinking, not for that moment and not forever, if , if he is ill informed by the immediate environment around himself”

“Stop looking outside and take guts to look inside, had you continued to talk to your son irrespective of his adoption and his unwillingness to talk , you could have saved all the lives which your descendant got off with forever!“

“Oh come on, I too have a life and he is an adult. But why only me , what is Government doing about the religious harmony, are they spending enough money to educate people , No, no, go there and ask “ Mr. President…..why aren’t .. you ……”

“But passing the Buck is easy …. What is your role and responsibility?

What about the joy and happiness you had taking care of the precious little one. Why did it disappear once he grew up! Why did it become a torture once the divorce happened? Yeah, you had to run around for money and soon there was another need of a partner and you had to lie about the existence of this little precious one. Had you continued to talk to him about your GOD - Didn’t have to worry if he is the only one, the father and son and the holy ghost too...-Culture and religion. May be you could have learnt and taught about religion of other’s too so that he had some compassion towards others and understood there are good thoughts in other’s religion too...”

“Now, dear flabby voice, what do you think the government is for, If  I have to do everything., Why don’t they spend some money they have kept aside for defense on these ideas of argument of other religions, if they want Ideas I can share them too. Let them conduct world religions congress and let everybody explain the greatness of their religions and hence let government advertise that. Why are you singling me?”

The Voice from within didn’t worry, took her to her own life “You didn’t bother about who were you a GOD and brought to this world rather spent time impressing peers and parents , you could have tapped your own kid for his faults,failures,medals and  promotions and could have taught him how to handle stressful, imaginary problems. You could have kept the ex-husband in touch like how the celebrities are doing today, look at how they announce they are going out with their ex partners not only to their current lovers but also to the whole world. Or you could have just waited for the first guy to go around the globe, look at the world and maybe he would have comeback to you so that the little precious one would have remained the same to the world and… and there wouldn’t have been The unstoppable voice!.”

She now got angry.

“Do you know exactly when the unstoppable voice! was, whether it was in army when they demoted him and taught how to deal with enemies or while he was with his friends or when he saw the victims of 9/11 or just bad books or just an idle mind which cooked up a killer’s workshop? Well, Why don’t you blame the manufacturers of these Guns, Do you think they have a place reserved in the heaven beside the God they pray, because they also spend money on church, as much of the money they do spend on lawmakers both visible and invisible. They are the ones who are responsible because they feel their business will stop if people like you and your progeny stop buying these guns. Just imagine if you had a gun and you drink a lot, both of which the Government is not trying to control, what happens, Ideas rush depending on the mood of the larger society and you need not take a sane decision, It can be as insane as killing and imagining it is a yeoman’s service to the society to kill people who most of others do not like. Society?, yeah take this society!, don’t you think the society which is pushing us towards such aspirations of having a good looking person as partner is not responsible? Or the rule it makes is not responsible? Look at the way the entire society is taking care of any other person who likes to remain a single? What are they doing when someone is feeling lonely? Isn’t it like they are encouraged to do such deeds like killing? Others don’t care, so why should I share? Why does it promote the idea of holding a gun as an issue of prestige? Like showing the world that how important he or she is than others!  Like a gun is an ultimate protection one can have and it is eternal! Now come on, why did you just shut up! “

She could glance on the TV how there was a Crafty smile on her face as she told she was sorry!

“Didn’t you fake it “,  The voice started again, “Now put yourself in the shoes of those killed, and say wouldn’t you have cursed The unstoppable voice! that happened Thirty years ago when an uncalled for, underage, un protective ,unexpected and unplanned  romance happened just for three plus few more minutes. That, take a closer look, that was the source, for these precious and planned lives to come to a grinding halt, not any GOD, but lovely source grew up into a ugly middle and at end left the people alive with a sense of dread and void, unfulfillable one that too!.

“No!” she started responding in a quiet voice and couldn’t control crying. The noise of crying slowly became very deafening as she continued the retort, “It is the education, the media.., yeah media, why do they project killers as heroes at least for a day. Don’t a killer feel that he can get a sudden fame or may be ill-fame or whatever you call,( Some fools may expect to see themselves on TV ( The voice booed louder as she said,) Yeah why not , Just think how can someone be on a national television so easily, ah just buy a gun and kill somebody’s son and there you are on the T.V. Oh look at all others, they are all over the world, everywhere around you, like, like the society and the law, the Guns and the Gun makers, the presidents and the others who are trying to console like me, but if they are very true, true to all the soul searching, then they can find out that they too are responsible for The unstoppable voice!. Not me, not me alone”

She was saying and crying, crying and saying long time later the killing had happened and the victims were silent for the last time and the kith and kin had their tears dried up and were very silent for first time since the death. Some crying was to happen every time they remember the dead from then on, sometimes for the whole life they existed on this planet.

Her voice which was very loud all along couldn’t be heard by now. Because, there was no media, no Victims of suffering, no kith or kin. Her cry became louder and louder and this time she wanted someone to hear her, some one. Last but not the least she wanted any God to appear and say “It’s OK as it is over”. As usual that didn’t happen and it remained in the books, safe, safer and safest. The Idea of God was same to all, Either to her, or to the killer or to the victims, but for the ones otherwise and all over, they drew a lot of conclusions around the same Idea called GOD and sympathized themselves because they were supposed to exist and had to move on. They were hungry on stomach and helpless on ideas, as the routine pulled them on. Sun rises and Sun Sets!

As the voice died down slowly, It was unable to understand whether feeling was sarcastic or sad, lamenting or laughing, odd or anticipated, existent or else! Her mobile kept on beeping with the suggestions from her-all of a sudden-fans, foes and friends asking her as to what her next move was? Whether to keep up the pep talk or die along, whether to start something new or just lay low. All of this followed soon after she said,” Yeah it was me and whole world along with, that was responsible for The unstoppable voice!. “The Voice was very quick, it was already looking for the next bait, the president of the country and took him to task and the same story continued all over, until he was on his knees, begging for pardon. The story is same, and the search is on. So, beware, you may be the next bait! Kneel down, be ready! Don’t go with the inaction. Look into what way you were also responsible for…

                                          … The birth a killer!