Soon
after the first TV interview in her life, she worried whether it would get her
an accidental prominence or full of disgrace in the area of her neighborhood
and world over. She felt shy and shame, Fame and fad at the way the media crew cried
and died for her attention. The reason for this strange feeling was her little
precious son who had metamorphosed to an adult deadly killer had shot and
killed school students who were deeply praying with their eyes closed. All they
were doing was trying to see if their world would change if for once and only
once THE god just said “Yea!”
Not
everyone praying had the same expectation, few lamented the system, the
parents, the priests and the peers who suggested this system of silence for a
few minutes and dissonance around all over, always once eyes were open and the
people, up.
Quite
a few were really requesting the GOD to bestow peace upon them, their family,
their friends and their enemies. Each of
them assumed whatever they were told- by their teachers, parents and of course
the priests of their religion– as for who is God, but prayed as if he was the
only one and the one they knew only. They were talking to him as if he was the
only savior and he shall protect them from all the danger and evil in the world
and would take them to be with him/her in the heaven proposed. Anyways, they
didn’t expect it to happen so soon. They asked him about all they wanted,
bodily, personal and altruistic. Some were praying for world peace and some simply
expecting their Gods to see to that the concerned subject teacher, somehow
should not ask about their homework, that they have not done. They also
remembered how they prayed and got whatever frivolous things they
expected turned out to be the way they expected, So they assumed that he will
help about such a small issue today also. They didn’t bother how busy he was
and how it would be possible by him to take care of both such frivolous issues like
theirs and also the most serious issues like tsunami, Violence ,terrorism meteoroid
attacks from around the solar system and natural calamities in other parts of
the world.
Amidst
of the screams she said sorry one hundredth time just to see if someone can get
peace. Parents of the kids expected their loved ones would wake up-just as a surprise
gift from the respective Gods they were pleading. Some godmagic from where the
victims took their last breath,god breath and new breath, but nothing moved,
Guns were stonger! Parents couldn’t imagine that this would happen and the gods
they prayed for would let this happen. They all assumed it was a wrong
information that their kids have died. Yes, for other’s kids- somewhere in the
newspaper, in some other town far far away, it may be so, but their, no, never!
They cried loud, but none who died did. She could see the faces of the parents,
relatives, brothers, and sisters, who were crying, expecting some kind of
miracle to happen but all of those happened only in the so called holy books
they read about the sons and messengers of gods or the gods themselves. Somehow
she couldn’t cry because she didn’t grow up with the culture of crying like
some Indians. They wait for a chance, just by seeing in a movie, somebody else
crying,. Some Indians beat their hands on their heads and chest and cry as if
it is like something that’s going to make things change but alas only the neighbor’s
ears go deaf, few more join the chorus and there is a mass melancholy. If they
don’t cry sometimes they repent for not crying for quite a long time after the
event-’ what a chance lost!’. None of best requests could wake up any body anybody
dead. Killer looked normal as if his toy had been made for the grave purpose by
the same GOD. He imagined that it could have sent a few more to heaven or hell
as he presumed they deserve to be! But not here, in his city, along with him
until he died. He felt as if he was God for those last few minutes, Until he
found out there is a superpower called Police who- was God of Gods for next few
minutes,- could handcuff him. This GOD of killing was shut down, made to kneel
and cursed by all. A tiny weapon and the holder is the God- for a minute- who
wrote the destiny of those who dead!. For victim’s family it was memories and
cries and cries and memories.
For
one last time, just like the killed ones, she too asked god to help, but for
those alive. This time it was to bestow peace on those who lost their kith and
kin. It was like reminding them that they will have to eat, live and sleep as
normal as they were few hours earlier to the shooting, but the difference is that
the loved ones will not respond. They can continue speaking to them as they did
with their respective, beloved Gods and assume answers too, like some priests
do. But the worst thing about these priests is that they explain what they
assume as if god themselves spoke. Just like dead ones woke up and spoke. They,
the priests also try to see how to benefit personally having attained
perfection in such a modern magic. All the while since evolution, GOD never
spoke in public to a crowd of two or more at the same time. Just imagine, if he
did it once, long long ago, to only one person at a time, why not again and
again. If he spoke to one or two, why not to more, if not to all? Yeah, why not
to all? Maybe, he had better spoke to the killer and stopped him, or did he? What
did he say to the victims, or didn’t he? All the while earlier they were
praying him!
She said herself to stop talking without
opening her mouth or making any sound. Somehow, somewhere deep inside her,
there was a beginning of confrontation. Which, she -of course- didn’t like, she
assumed it was very easy to shut it down, but then, there was a different
story!
As
she walked away from the media she addressed, the noise outside reduced but
this confronting mental voice in her head got louder and louder, it started to
boo her and it became very loud. It started asking her a lot of questions, in
between booing and laughing as if she felt like a piece of dirt inside the
confession room. It was not silent but uptight; it was not just listening but
asking-too much. She looked around if someone else would hear what’s going on
in her head. She was afraid as if someone else was very close to her and spoke
like that. As she drove the same road to her same home, she wasn’t spared. The
Vociferous voice within went right to the moment that led to the birth a
precious child, but today he was the killer.
“Had
you said no to that guy who you wanted to spend time with, just to impress your
friends that you too can have a good looking guy as a boyfriend?”
“How
can you expect me to behave in a society that expects everything to be perfect?
How can you see the ugly mind of a good looking guy, badly in need of a new
conquer? Oh, he was good before the baby was born and enjoyed the company of
the just born child too! But only till you find out his good looks was bedded
with others too! He looked so pleasant in the departure. They have all made it
an art to be so”.
They
both enjoyed the company of the precious little new arrival, all the while he cried,
farted and shitted too! They could see how some fun games they played could
make a God out of themselves and produce such a lovely baby. Sometimes they
woke up the whole night and at the end felt slightly embarrassed at the kind of
attention the child desires. Felt good when they understood what he couldn’t
say. There was a new affable meaning for his frown, fidget and flash. But once
his dad disappeared, he had to be left in child care and then started a gap and
it became so wide that she hadn’t spoken to him for past twenty years. The
precious little child had metamorphosized into bloody killer.
The
Voice giggled sarcastically,
“Had
you just wore a diaphragm that day or took a pill. Or if there were not a No
abortion rule or at least the DNA Test confirmed one of the other two you
suspected, may be then these kids would be spared or ….”
She
couldn’t hold it any longer and started to counter. “Yeah if only it were so
simple and I knew the guy through his heart and head, If only his sperm was a
little inactive that night, just like his all time mood and the DNA report said
it was the richest, handsomest and the nicest man alive, Come on, give me a
break, I am fed up you see, I, I am not the only person responsible! Look at
the administrators, The President and the Rules they make in the society, they
are responsible, not me!”
The
Booing continued and so was the mordant giggle, “Had you not married once was
fun, once for frills and once for future asylum.”
“Oh
my Goodness“ she exclaimed as she switched on the TV back home and could see
herself in most of the channels , she couldn’t stop in the midst of all the
chaos to observe that the lipstick could have been a better one.
One
minute of relief and it started again, the questioning from within,
“Yeah
had your Government made the law stringent, but when more than 70% of you
believe that your life is most precious and Gun is the new GOD and it can save
you forever.”
She
said,” No, the point is, with the Gun and the one with it is drunk, you need
not have to think of what may happen to you at least immediately or before you
take the ghostly action, so the only ill alternative to solve the impenetrable
and indefinable problem is to shoot up for a while and then assume to have
become a messiah ,because they, like you, doesn’t have another new angle of
thinking, not for that moment and not forever, if , if he is ill informed by
the immediate environment around himself”
“Stop
looking outside and take guts to look inside, had you continued to talk to your
son irrespective of his adoption and his unwillingness to talk , you could have
saved all the lives which your descendant got off with forever!“
“Oh
come on, I too have a life and he is an adult. But why only me , what is Government
doing about the religious harmony, are they spending enough money to educate
people , No, no, go there and ask “ Mr. President…..why aren’t .. you ……”
“But
passing the Buck is easy …. What is your role and responsibility?
What
about the joy and happiness you had taking care of the precious little one. Why
did it disappear once he grew up! Why did it become a torture once the divorce happened?
Yeah, you had to run around for money and soon there was another need of a
partner and you had to lie about the existence of this little precious one. Had
you continued to talk to him about your GOD - Didn’t have to worry if he is the
only one, the father and son and the holy ghost too...-Culture and religion.
May be you could have learnt and taught about religion of other’s too so that
he had some compassion towards others and understood there are good thoughts in
other’s religion too...”
“Now,
dear flabby voice, what do you think the government is for, If I have to do everything., Why don’t they spend
some money they have kept aside for defense on these ideas of argument of other
religions, if they want Ideas I can share them too. Let them conduct world
religions congress and let everybody explain the greatness of their religions
and hence let government advertise that. Why are you singling me?”
The
Voice from within didn’t worry, took her to her own life “You didn’t bother
about who were you a GOD and brought to this world rather spent time impressing
peers and parents , you could have tapped your own kid for his faults,failures,medals
and promotions and could have taught him
how to handle stressful, imaginary problems. You could have kept the ex-husband
in touch like how the celebrities are doing today, look at how they announce
they are going out with their ex partners not only to their current lovers but
also to the whole world. Or you could have just waited for the first guy to go
around the globe, look at the world and maybe he would have comeback to you so that
the little precious one would have remained the same to the world and… and
there wouldn’t have been The unstoppable voice!.”
She
now got angry.
“Do
you know exactly when the unstoppable voice! was, whether it was in army when
they demoted him and taught how to deal with enemies or while he was with his
friends or when he saw the victims of 9/11 or just bad books or just an idle
mind which cooked up a killer’s workshop? Well, Why don’t you blame the
manufacturers of these Guns, Do you think they have a place reserved in the
heaven beside the God they pray, because they also spend money on church, as much
of the money they do spend on lawmakers both visible and invisible. They are
the ones who are responsible because they feel their business will stop if
people like you and your progeny stop buying these guns. Just imagine if you
had a gun and you drink a lot, both of which the Government is not trying to
control, what happens, Ideas rush depending on the mood of the larger society
and you need not take a sane decision, It can be as insane as killing and
imagining it is a yeoman’s service to the society to kill people who most of
others do not like. Society?, yeah take this society!, don’t you think the
society which is pushing us towards such aspirations of having a good looking
person as partner is not responsible? Or the rule it makes is not responsible?
Look at the way the entire society is taking care of any other person who likes
to remain a single? What are they doing when someone is feeling lonely? Isn’t
it like they are encouraged to do such deeds like killing? Others don’t care,
so why should I share? Why does it promote the idea of holding a gun as an
issue of prestige? Like showing the world that how important he or she is than
others! Like a gun is an ultimate
protection one can have and it is eternal! Now come on, why did you just shut
up! “
She
could glance on the TV how there was a Crafty smile on her face as she told she
was sorry!
“Didn’t
you fake it “, The voice started again, “Now
put yourself in the shoes of those killed, and say wouldn’t you have cursed The
unstoppable voice! that happened Thirty years ago when an uncalled for,
underage, un protective ,unexpected and unplanned romance happened just for three plus few more
minutes. That, take a closer look, that was the source, for these precious and planned
lives to come to a grinding halt, not any GOD, but lovely source grew up into a
ugly middle and at end left the people alive with a sense of dread and void, unfulfillable
one that too!.
“No!”
she started responding in a quiet voice and couldn’t control crying. The noise
of crying slowly became very deafening as she continued the retort, “It is the
education, the media.., yeah media, why do they project killers as heroes at
least for a day. Don’t a killer feel that he can get a sudden fame or may be ill-fame
or whatever you call,( Some fools may expect to see themselves on TV ( The
voice booed louder as she said,) Yeah why not , Just think how can someone be
on a national television so easily, ah just buy a gun and kill somebody’s son
and there you are on the T.V. Oh look at all others, they are all over the
world, everywhere around you, like, like the society and the law, the Guns and
the Gun makers, the presidents and the others who are trying to console like me,
but if they are very true, true to all the soul searching, then they can find
out that they too are responsible for The unstoppable voice!. Not me, not me
alone”
She
was saying and crying, crying and saying long time later the killing had
happened and the victims were silent for the last time and the kith and kin had
their tears dried up and were very silent for first time since the death. Some crying
was to happen every time they remember the dead from then on, sometimes for the
whole life they existed on this planet.
Her
voice which was very loud all along couldn’t be heard by now. Because, there
was no media, no Victims of suffering, no kith or kin. Her cry became louder
and louder and this time she wanted someone to hear her, some one. Last but not
the least she wanted any God to appear and say “It’s OK as it is over”. As
usual that didn’t happen and it remained in the books, safe, safer and safest. The
Idea of God was same to all, Either to her, or to the killer or to the victims,
but for the ones otherwise and all over, they drew a lot of conclusions around
the same Idea called GOD and sympathized themselves because they were supposed
to exist and had to move on. They were hungry on stomach and helpless on ideas,
as the routine pulled them on. Sun rises and Sun Sets!
As
the voice died down slowly, It was unable to understand whether feeling was
sarcastic or sad, lamenting or laughing, odd or anticipated, existent or else! Her
mobile kept on beeping with the suggestions from her-all of a sudden-fans, foes
and friends asking her as to what her next move was? Whether to keep up the pep
talk or die along, whether to start something new or just lay low. All of this
followed soon after she said,” Yeah it was me and whole world along with, that
was responsible for The unstoppable voice!. “The Voice was very quick, it was already
looking for the next bait, the president of the country and took him to task
and the same story continued all over, until he was on his knees, begging for
pardon. The story is same, and the search is on. So, beware, you may be the
next bait! Kneel down, be ready! Don’t go with the inaction. Look into what way
you were also responsible for…
… The
birth a killer!
