Soon
after the first TV interview in her life, which she worried whether it would
get her an accidental prominence or full of disgrace in the area of her neighborhood,
She felt shy and shame, Fame and fad at the way the media crew cried and died
for her attention. The reason for this strange feeling was her little precious son
who had metamorphosed to adult deadly
killer had shot and killed school students who were deeply praying closing
their eyes and trying to see if their world would change if for once and only
once the exact GOD just said “Yeah”.
Not everyone had the same feeling, few
lamented the system, the parents, the priests and the peers who suggested this
system of silence for a few minutes and dissonance around allover, once you are
and open.
Quite
a few were really requesting GOD to bestow peace upon them and their enemies. Each of them assumed whatever they were told-
by their teachers, parents and of course the priests of their religion – as for
who is God, but prayed as if he was the only one and the one they knew only.
They were talking to him as if he was the only savior and he shall protect them
from all the danger and evil things in the world and would take them to be with
him in the heaven. Anyways, they didn’t expect it to happen so sooner. They
asked him about all they wanted, bodily, personal and altruistic. Some were
praying for world peace and some simply expecting their Gods to see to that the
concerned teacher , somehow should not
ask about their homework ,they have not done, or be in a bad mood. They also
remembered how they prayed and got whatever frivolous things they expected turned
out to be the way they expected, So they assumed that he will help about such a
small issue today also. They didn’t bother how busy he was and how is would be
possible by him to take of both such frivolous issues and also the most serious
issues like tsunami, Violence in Afgahnistan, Pakistan and other parts of the
world.
Amidst
of the screams she said sorry one hundredth time just to see if someone can get
peaceful. Parents of the kids expected their loved ones would wake up just as
surprise gift from the respective Gods they were praying, from where the
victims took their last breath, but none did. She could see the faces of the
parents, relatives, brothers, and sisters, who were crying expecting some kind
of miracle to happen but all of those only happened in the books they read
about the sons and messengers of gods or the gods themselves. Somehow she couldn’t
cry because she didn’t come with the culture of crying like some Indians who
cry just by seeing a movie. Some Indians beat their hands on their heads and
chest and cry as if it is like something that’s really worthy or repent for not
crying for quite a long time after the event. None of best requests could wake
up any body dead. Killer looked normal as if his toy had it been made for the
purpose, could have sent a few more to heaven or hell as he presumed they
deserve to be! He felt he was God for those last few minutes, Until he found
out there is a superpower called Police who could handcuff him and the GOD was
shut down
For
one last time, just like the killed ones, she too asked god to help, but only
those alive, to bestow peace on those who lost their kith and kin. It was like reminding
them that they will have to eat and sleep as normal as they were few hours
earlier to shooting, just that the loved ones will not respond. They can
continue speaking to them like what they did with God and assume answers too
like some priests did. But the worst thing about these priests is that they
explain what they assume as if god spoke just like dead ones woke up and spoke.
All the while since evolution, GOD never spoke to a crowd of two at a time, and
imagine, if he did it once, long long ago,to only one person at a time, why not
again and again and if he spoke to one or two, why not to all. Maybe he had
better spoke to the killer and stopped him, or did he? What did he say, to the
victims, or didn’t he?. She said herself to stop talking without opening her
mouth or making any sound. Somehow, somewhere it was confronting.
As
she walked away from the media she addressed, the noise outside reduced but
this confronting mental voice in her head got louder and louder, it started to
boo her and it became very loud. It started asking her a lot of questions, in
between booing and laughing as if she felt like a piece of dirt inside the
confession room. It was not silent but uptight, it was not just listening but
asking-too much, she looked around if some else would hear what’s going on in
her head. She was afraid as if someone else was very close to her and spoke
like that. As she drove the same road to her home, she wasn’t spared. It went
right to the moment that led to the birth a precious child, but today he was
the killer.
“Had
you just said no to that guy who you wanted to spend time with, just to impress
your friends that you can have a good looking guy as friend?”
“How can you expect me to behave in a society
that expects everything to be perfect? How can you see the ugly mind of a good
looking guy, badly in need of a new conquer? Oh he was good before the baby was
born and enjoyed the company of child too! But only till you find out his good
looks was bedded with others too!. He looked so pleasant in the departure. They
have all made it an art to be so”.
They both enjoyed the company of the precious
little new arrival all the while, he cried, farted and shitted too! They could
see how some fun games they played could make a God out of themselves and
produce such a lovely baby. Sometimes they woke up the whole night and at the
end felt slightly embarrassed at the kind of attention the child desires. Felt
good when they understood what he couldn’t say. There was a new affable meaning
for his frown, fidget and flash. But once his dad disappeared, he had to be
left in child care and then started a gap and it became so wide that she hadn’t
spoken to him for past twenty years. The precious little child had transformed
into bloody killer.
The
Voice giggled sarcastically,
“Had you just wore a condom that day or took a
pill. Or if there were not a No abortion rule or at least the DNA Test
confirmed one of the other two you suspected, may be….”
She
couldn’t hold it any longer and started to counter. “ Yeah if only it were so
simple and I knew the guy through his heart and head, If only his sperm was a
little inactive that night, just like his mood and the DNA report said it was the richest,
handsomest and the nicest man alive, Come on, give me a break, I am fed up you
see, I, I am not the only person responsible! Look at the administrators, The
President and the Rules they make in the society, they are responsible, not me!”
The
Booing continued. ..and so was the mordant giggle, “Had you not married once
was fun, once for frills and Once for future asylum.”
“Oh
my Goodness “ she exclaimed as she switched on the TV back home and could see
herself in most of the channels , she couldn’t stop in the midst of all the
chaos to observe that the lipstick could have been a better one.
One
minute of relief it started again, the questioning from within,
“Yeah
had your Govt made the law stringent, but when more than 70% of you believe
that your life is most precious and Gun is the new GOD and it can save you for
ever.”
She
said,” No, the point is, with the Gun and the one with it is drunk, you need not have to
think of what may happen to you at least immediately or before you take the
ghostly action, so the only ill alternative to solve the impenetrable and
indefinable problem is to shoot up for a while and then assume to have become a
messiah ,because they, like you doesn’t have another new angle of thinking, not
for that moment and not forever if he is ill informed by the immediate
environment around himself”
“Stop
looking outside and take guts to look inside, had you continued to talk to your
son irrespective of his adoption and his unwillingness to talk , you could have
saved all the lives which your descendant got off with“
“Oh
come on, I too have a life and he is an adult. But why only me , what is Govt
doing about the religious harmony, are they spending enough money to educate
people , No, no, go there and ask “ Mr President…..why aren’t .. you ……”
“But
passing the Buck is easy …. What is your role and responsibility?
What
about the joy and happiness you had
taking care of the precious little one. Why did it disappear once he grew up!
Why did it become a torture once the divorce happened? Yeah, you had to run
around for money and soon there was another need of a partner and you had to
lie about the existence of this little precious one. Had you continued to talk
to him about your GOD - Didn’t have to worry if he is the only one , The father
and son and the holy ghost too..- Culture and religion. May be you could have learnt and taught about religion of other’s too so
that he had some compassion towards others and understood there are good thoughts
in other’s religion too..”
“Now,
dear flabby voice, what do you think the government is for ,If I have to do everything., Why dont they spend
some money they have kept aside for defense on these ideas of argument of other
religions, if they want Ideas I can share them too. Let them conduct world
religions congress and let everybody explain the greatness of their religions
and hence let government advertise that. Why are you singling me!”
The
Voice from within didn’t worry, took her to her own life” You didn’t bother
about who were you a GOD and brought to this world rather spent time impressing
peers and parents , you could have tapped your own kid for his faults, failures,
medals and promotions and could have
taught him how to handle stressful, imaginary problems. You could have kept the
ex-husband in touch like how the celebrities are doing today, look at how they
announce they are going out with their ex partners not only to their current
lovers but also to the whole world. Or you could have just waited for the the
first guy to go around the globe , look at the world and maybe he would have
comeback to you so that the little precious one would have remained the same to
the world and… and there wouldn’t have been the birth of a killer.”
She
now got angry.
“
Do you know exactly when was the birth of a killer, whether it was in army when
they demoted him and taught how to deal with enemies or while he was with his
friends or when he saw the victims of 9/11 or Just bad books or just an Idle
mind which cooked up a killer’s workshop. Well, Why don’t you blame the
manufacturers of these Guns, Do you think they have a place reserved in the
heaven beside the God they pray, because they also spend money on church, as much
of the money they do spend on lawmakers both visible and invisible. They are
the ones who are responsible because they feel their business will stop if
people stop buying these guns. Just imagine if you had a gun and you drink a
lot, both of which the Government is not trying to control, what happens ,
Ideas rush depending on the mood of the larger society and you need not take a
sane decision , It can be as insane as killing and imagining it is a yeoman’s
service to the society to kill people who most do not like. Society? don’t you
think the society which is pushing us towards such aspirations of having a good
looking person as partner is not responsible, or the rules it makes is not
responsible, or just the way society is taking care of a person who is feeling
lonely is encouraged to do such deeds like killing. Why does it promote the
idea of holding a gun is like an ultimate protection one can have and it is
eternal! Now come on, why did you just shut up! “ She could just see on the TV how
there was a Crafty smile on her face as she told she was sorry!
“Didn’t
you fake it “, The voice started again, “Now
put yourself in the shoes of those killed, and say wouldn’t you have cursed the
birth of a killer that happened Thirty years ago when an uncalled for underage,
un protective ,unexpected and unplanned
romance happened just for three plus few more minutes ,that was the
source, for these precious and planned lives to come to a grinding halt, not
GOD, and left the people she or he
touched in lifetime with a sense of dread and void.
“No!”
she started responding in a quiet voice and couldn’t control crying. The noise
of crying slowly became very deafening as she continued the retort, “It is the
education, the media..,yeah media, why do they project killers as heroes at
least for a day. Don’t a killer feel that he can get a sudden fame or may be
illfame or whatever you call,( Some fools may expect to see themselves on TV (
The voice booed louder as she said,) Yeah why not , Just think how can someone
be on a national television so easily ah just buy a gun and kill somebody’s son
and they you are on the T.V Oh look at all others like like the society and the
law, the Guns and the Gun makers, the presidents and the others who are trying
to console like me but if they are very true to all the soul searching then they
are responsible for the birth of a killer. Not me, not me alone”
She
was saying and crying, crying and saying long time later the killing had
happened and the victims were silent for the last time and the kith and kin had
their tears dried up and were very silent for first time since the death. Some crying
was to happen every time they remember the dead from then on, sometimes for the
whole life they existed on this planet. Her voice which was very loud by now
couldn’t be heard because there was no media, No Victim of suffering, no kith
and kin. Her cry became louder and louder and this time she wanted someone to hear
her, at least Any God to appear and say “Its OK and it is Over”. As usual that
didn’t happen and it remained in the books, safe, safer and safest.
The
Idea of God was same to all, Either to her, or to the killer or to the victims,
but the ones otherwise and all over, drew a lot of conclusions around the same
Idea called GOD and sympathized themselves because they were supposed to exist
and had to move on as they were hungry on stomach and helpless on ideas.
As
her voice died down as it was unable to understand whether it was
Sarcastic
or sad, Laughing or lamenting, odd or anticipated, existent or else! Her mobile
kept on beeping the suggestions from her all of a sudden fans and haters as to
what’s next move. Whether to keep up the pep talk or die along with it, whether
to start something new or lay low soon after she said,
”Yeah
it was me and whole world along with, that was responsible for the birth of a
killer. “ The Voice was already looking for the next bait, the president of the
country and took him to task and the story continued all over.
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